Hurricane Neddy
He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?! Jesus must be spinning in his grave! What good is money if it can’t inspire terror in your fellow man? I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.- Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about!
- But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life.
- Jesus must be spinning in his grave!
The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show
Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box… I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze.Duffless
Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours. Your guilty consciences may make you vote Democratic, but secretly you all yearn for a Republican president to lower taxes, brutalize criminals, and rule you like a king! I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency.- You don’t win friends with salad.
- Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico?
- I’ve had it with this school, Skinner. Low test scores, class after class of ugly, ugly children…
Homer the Great
I hope I didn’t brain my damage. “Thank the Lord”? That sounded like a prayer. A prayer in a public school. God has no place within these walls, just like facts don’t have a place within an organized religion. Inflammable means flammable? What a country. Get ready, skanks! It’s time for the truth train! Beer. Now there’s a temporary solution.Radioactive Man
This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.” This is the greatest case of false advertising I’ve seen since I sued the movie “The Never Ending Story.” Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies.D’oh. Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention! Son, a woman is like a beer. They smell good, they look good, you’d step over your own mother just to get one! But you can’t stop at one. You wanna drink another woman! Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot.
You don’t win friends with salad. Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.
Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! Son, when you participate in sporting events, it’s not whether you win or lose: it’s how drunk you get. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. Hi. I’m Troy McClure. You may remember me from such self-help tapes as “Smoke Yourself Thin” and “Get Some Confidence, Stupid!” Marge, just about everything’s a sin. Y’ever sat down and read this thing? Technically we’re not supposed to go to the bathroom. Kids, we need to talk for a moment about Krusty Brand Chew Goo Gum Like Substance. We all knew it contained spider eggs, but the hantavirus? That came out of left field. So if you’re experiencing numbness and/or comas, send five dollars to antidote, PO box…
D’oh. Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. I was saying “Boo-urns.” Ahoy hoy?
Uh, no, they’re saying “Boo-urns, Boo-urns.” Well, he’s kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly” and replace “dog” with “son.” Me fail English? That’s unpossible.
They only come out in the night. Or in this case, the day. I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. D’oh. Slow down, Bart! My legs don’t know how to be as long as yours. Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me. Bart, with $10,000 we’d be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like…love!
Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark. I can’t go to juvie. They use guys like me as currency. Your questions have become more redundant and annoying than the last three “Highlander” movies. How could you?! Haven’t you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain Whatshisname? We live in a society of laws! Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well, I didn’t hear anybody laughing, did you? Except at that guy who made sound effects. Makes sound effects and laughs. Where was I? Oh yeah! Stay out of my booze. You don’t like your job, you don’t strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way.
Please do not offer my god a peanut. Whoa, slow down there, maestro. There’s a *New* Mexico? Dear Mr. President, There are too many states nowadays. Please, eliminate three. P.S. I am not a crackpot. Uh, no, you got the wrong number. This is 9-1…2.
Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone. Fire can be our friend; whether it’s toasting marshmallows or raining down on Charlie. And here I am using my own lungs like a sucker. I’m going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won’t be back for ten minutes! But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life.
Attempted murder? Now honestly, what is that? Do they give a Nobel Prize for attempted chemistry? I didn’t get rich by signing checks. I was saying “Boo-urns.” Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!
I’ll keep it short and sweet — Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. Can’t you people take the law into your own hands? I mean, we can’t be policing the entire city! When I held that gun in my hand, I felt a surge of power…like God must feel when he’s holding a gun. Oh, I’m in no condition to drive. Wait a minute. I don’t have to listen to myself. I’m drunk. Shoplifting is a victimless crime. Like punching someone in the dark.
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