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A Leela of Her Own

Negative, bossy meat creature! Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Yeah, lots of people did. File not found.

That Darn Katz!

You’re going to do his laundry? With gusto. Anyone who laughs is a communist! Tell them I hate them. But I’ve never been to the moon! There’s one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain!

• In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells.
• I wish! It’s a nickel.

Insane in the Mainframe

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. You don’t know how to do any of those.

Love’s Labors Lost in Space

Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. When will that be? Belligerent and numerous. Take me to your leader! And then the battle’s not so bad? I never loved you.

1. When will that be?
2. Daddy Bender, we’re hungry.
3. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money!
4. Negative, bossy meat creature!
5. File not found.

Jurassic Bark

Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing. For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease to exist! Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of ‘will’?

Anthology of Interest I

Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them? Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems. It’s toe-tappingly tragic!
You can see how I lived before I met you. That’s a popular name today. Little “e”, big “B”? Guess again. Why would a robot need to drink? Oh God, what have I done?
Take me to your leader! For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man. I suppose I could part with ‘one’ and still be feared… Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk! Alright, let’s mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew.
I love you, buddy! I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo. No argument here. I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny! Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ’cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!
Meh. It’s toe-tappingly tragic! Who are you, my warranty?! Noooooo! Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat.
Oh no! The professor will hit me! But if Zoidberg ‘fixes’ it… then perhaps gifts! Dear God, they’ll be killed on our doorstep! And there’s no trash pickup until January 3rd. I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually?
A true inspiration for the children. Professor, make a woman out of me. Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets? Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Isn’t it true that you have been paid for your testimony? You are the last hope of the universe.
Your best is an idiot! Tell them I hate them. You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal! It’s okay, Bender. I like cooking too. Or a guy who burns down a bar for the insurance money! Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor.
Yes, I saw. You were doing well, until everyone died. Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs? I wish! It’s a nickel.
Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. Why not indeed!
It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating. Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk! Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere?
Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. Kids have names?
All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school! Your best is an idiot! Well, let’s just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it. Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.
Bender, we’re trying our best. In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence?
Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very… You’re going to do his laundry? As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead. You’ll have all the Slurm you can drink when you’re partying with Slurms McKenzie! Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry’s worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them.