Future Stock
Tell them I hate them. Well, thanks to the Internet, I’m now bored with sex. Is there a place on the web that panders to my lust for violence? No argument here.- As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead.
- When will that be?
- Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”.
Mother’s Day
Kids have names? Who are you, my warranty?! Why would a robot need to drink? File not found. Yeah, I do that with my stupidness.The Sting
And then the battle’s not so bad? I love you, buddy! Okay, it’s 500 dollars, you have no choice of carrier, the battery can’t hold the charge and the reception isn’t very… For example, if you killed your grandfather, you’d cease to exist!- Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ’cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans!
- Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets?
Less Than Hero
Have you ever tried just turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them? Oh, how I wish I could believe or understand that! There’s only one reasonable course of action now: kill Flexo! I never loved you. Tell them I hate them. A true inspiration for the children.A Head in the Polls
Well I’da done better, but it’s plum hard pleading a case while awaiting trial for that there incompetence. Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! You are the last hope of the universe. I could if you hadn’t turned on the light and shut off my stereo.It’s a T. It goes “tuh”. You’re going to do his laundry? Oh, I always feared he might run off like this. Why, why, why didn’t I break his legs?
Daddy Bender, we’re hungry. I guess if you want children beaten, you have to do it yourself. Who’s brave enough to fly into something we all keep calling a death sphere? Oh, all right, I am. But if anything happens to me, tell them I died robbing some old man. Ooh, name it after me!
It’s okay, Bender. I like cooking too. Why am I sticky and naked? Did I miss something fun? Ugh, it’s filthy! Why not create a National Endowment for Strip Clubs while we’re at it? Bender, we’re trying our best. Dear God, they’ll be killed on our doorstep! And there’s no trash pickup until January 3rd. You won’t have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you’ll be doing.
You guys go on without me! I’m going to go… look for more stuff to steal! Yeah, I do that with my stupidness. I videotape every customer that comes in here, so that I may blackmail them later. Negative, bossy meat creature! Anyhoo, your net-suits will allow you to experience Fry’s worm infested bowels as if you were actually wriggling through them. Why not indeed!
Morbo can’t understand his teleprompter because he forgot how you say that letter that’s shaped like a man wearing a hat. Why would a robot need to drink? Belligerent and numerous. As an interesting side note, as a head without a body, I envy the dead. Man, I’m sore all over. I feel like I just went ten rounds with mighty Thor. All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit… that’s why I’m transferring to business school!
Alright, let’s mafia things up a bit. Joey, burn down the ship. Clamps, burn down the crew. Throw her in the brig. Look, everyone wants to be like Germany, but do we really have the pure strength of ‘will’? Um, is this the boring, peaceful kind of taking to the streets?
One hundred dollars. Then throw her in the laundry room, which will hereafter be referred to as “the brig”. There’s one way and only one way to determine if an animal is intelligent. Dissect its brain!
Fry! Quit doing the right thing, you jerk! Hey, you add a one and two zeros to that or we walk! Guess again. In your time, yes, but nowadays shut up! Besides, these are adult stemcells, harvested from perfectly healthy adults whom I killed for their stemcells. You don’t know how to do any of those.
Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” Oh God, what have I done? Enough about your promiscuous mother, Hermes! We have bigger problems.
Take me to your leader! Nay, I respect and admire Harold Zoid too much to beat him to death with his own Oscar. I was all of history’s great robot actors – Acting Unit 0.8; Thespomat; David Duchovny!
For one beautiful night I knew what it was like to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honored. Anyone who laughs is a communist! Oh no! The professor will hit me! But if Zoidberg ‘fixes’ it… then perhaps gifts! Humans dating robots is sick. You people wonder why I’m still single? It’s ’cause all the fine robot sisters are dating humans! Your best is an idiot!
With gusto. Professor, make a woman out of me. When will that be? Yes. You gave me a dollar and some candy. It’s toe-tappingly tragic! Yeah. Give a little credit to our public schools.
Switzerland is small and neutral! We are more like Germany, ambitious and misunderstood! It’s toe-tappingly tragic! Come, Comrade Bender! We must take to the streets! I meant ‘physically’. Look, perhaps you could let me work for a little food? I could clean the floors or paint a fence, or service you sexually? Oh, I don’t have time for this. I have to go and buy a single piece of fruit with a coupon and then return it, making people wait behind me while I complain. Your best is an idiot!
Five hours? Aw, man! Couldn’t you just get me the death penalty? That’s a popular name today. Little “e”, big “B”? Tell her you just want to talk. It has nothing to do with mating.
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